Copyright Moyan_Brenn
Releasing the past and moving into the future is an essential part of learning and growing in life. The older we become the more issues we accumulate from our past and the harder it can be to keep moving and growing.
Why is it so important to release the past and move forward? The answer is that if our focus is in the past, we are unable to look forward to the future. It is like trying to walk forward, but with our heads turned, looking over our shoulder. We may have made mistakes or been the victim of other people’s mistakes and we can dwell on these, feeling guilt, hurt or resentment which are awful emotions to carry around and can prevent us from trusting others and even ourselves. This could stop us from allowing new experiences into our lives and thus progressing.
Sometimes our experiences can just leave us afraid, and that limits us because we do not want to be hurt again. But doing that is the equivalent of a child that is learning to walk who falls over the first time he or she tries to walk and bumps a knee and then decides he or she will never try again because it just hurts too much. No child has ever done that and as grown-ups we should look at our younger selves and follow their example.
Then there are those who say they have released their past or that it has no effect on them, when really what they’ve done is ignore it. These are the ones that will find themselves repeating the same mistakes again and again; perhaps they always end up dating the same kind of people, or their financial situation never changes or their work life always ends up the same. By not stopping to look at what happened and understand the experience, they doom themselves to repeating it until they do.
So how do you release the past? First of all, don’t deny how you feel about it. If you are hurt, acknowledge it. Secondly, what caused the experience? If you made the mistake, what factors lead to you making it? Even if you didn’t do anything, what could have been done differently so you were not so vulnerable? If there was honestly nothing you could have done about it, acknowledge this and release yourself from any guilt or blame. Finally, think about what would you want to happen next time; what has this experience taught you?
Of course the actual act of releasing can take anything from days to years and you may need professional help or other support. But there is another step that people often forget. They think that once they have gone through all the previous steps, they are free, but often that is not the case. If we continue to define ourselves by this thing we spent years overcoming, have we truly released it? The answer is no. As harsh as it may sound, when we are still saying “I spent x number of years healing that wound” then we are still linked to it. Some wounds leave a scar and it may not always be possible to completely remove all signs of it. What we should remember is that these experiences, these scars, they leave us changed, but they do not define who we now are. When we look at only who we are right now and can project that image into the future then we have truly released the past and can move on to our futures.